Dating and Social Skills (really lack thereof)

So I'm pretty much socially retarded, and I only seem to be getting worse. And, most troubling, I don't really know what to do about it. It seems almost impossible to me to start up a conversation with someone. I am now very well programmed to answer with the regular platitudes to questions like "how ya doing", but I can't go anywhere after that. I don't have much else to say in this post even... that's how bad it is. I'm just a little buzzed and a lot lonely, and whatever. The saddest thing is even the "inhibitions go bye-bye juice" doesn't work anymore. I can get drunk as a skunk and I still don't think I talk to anyone. Years ago I had an experience where I felt like I was locked inside my head, and no matter how much I yelled I couldn't get my mouth to speak. Now I feel almost like that all the time. I've thought about TRYING to go out and drink too much and make an ass of myself just to break the deadlock, but I don't know if it would even work (if I'd do anything besides just be the quiet guy who's drinking a ton), or if it would do any good from that point on if anything did happen.

Swimming and Poker (not simultaneously)

Tonight after poker I went for a swim... tried to see if I could do 500m straight... and I can! It took me 11 minutes to do 500m, which is I think the fastest pace I've done yet since I started training over the last ~3 years. I'm pretty excited about this. Considering my next couple triathlons (Bartlett Lake in March and Spring Fling in NM in April) are both 400m swims... I think I can jump out to a good start this season (well, at least on the swim legs).

The TT coming up on Saturday should give me some idea about how I am on the bike now. The last time I went for a ride outside though, was not good. I was only riding for about 2 minutes, not putting that much effort in really, when I just got completely out of breath. The lack of breath was way beyond the effort, so I got a bit scared. I believe it was exercise induced asthma, and I'm hoping it was only caused by the cold air that day (which wasn't that cold really... but in the 40s or 50s). Today I had a doctors appointment, and after explaining it the doctor agreed that it sounded like it was exercise induced asthma... maybe from the cold, or from some other allergen. I got an inhaler just in case it happens again... I will have to make sure to bring this with me when I exercise now (even though I already forgot to tonight).

And at poker I ended up taking 4th tonight. I didn't really do much... had an early double up and then was mostly just level until the final 5 or 6. I took one big pot to last a bit more, but just kept losing chips here and there... didn't pick up my flush on one hand that I could've probably tripled up on. At the end I was down to <4 BB on the BB, and I was put all in before the flop, and I just called in the dark. Both the other players called as well, and the flop came 778. SB went all in as the big stack, and both the others called that too. SB had 88 for the boat, I flipped mine which were AQo... not bad for calling dark, but hosed here :). One guy was on a straight draw, and the other had pocket Aces. No miracles happened and the boat held up to knock the 3 of us out and end the tournament.

Ouch

So I played a couple of sit and go hold 'em tournaments tonight... wasn't happy with the outcome of the first $6.50 one, so I joined a $16.00 9-player turbo. Was after a couple times around that this hand happened:

Seat 1: SB (1060 in chips)
Seat 2: BB (1370 in chips)
Seat 3: UTG (1450 in chips)
Seat 4: UTG +1 (1440 in chips)
Seat 5: Hero (1410 in chips)
Seat 6: MP1 (1560 in chips)
Seat 7: MP2 (2370 in chips)
Seat 8: CO (1465 in chips)
Seat 9: BTN (1375 in chips)

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Hero [9c Kh]
UTG raises 60 to 90
1 fold
Hero calls 90
2 folds
CO calls 90
2 folds
BB calls 60
*** FLOP *** [6d 2h Kc]
2 checks
Hero bets 90
1 fold
BB calls 90
UTG calls 90
*** TURN *** [6d 2h Kc] [9d]
BB bets 1190 and is all-in
UTG folds
Hero calls 1190
*** RIVER *** [6d 2h Kc 9d] [2c]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
BB shows [2s 9s] (a full house, Deuces full of Nines)
Hero shows [9c Kh] (two pair, Kings and Nines)
BB collected 3025 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 3025 | Rake 0
Board [6d 2h Kc 9d 2c]

Not that bad I suppose... he did have 2 whole outs (<5%)... but I was just licking my chops for getting a double stack pretty early in the table... then I got smote! I was worried he might have had trips or something, but did make the right call... I think. I guess I should've been more aggressive betting after the flop (didn't raise the bet from the 90 pre-flop).

Well, since I've been playing more poker lately, figured I'd throw this on here too... I need to grab (actually, should just write) a nice formatter for these things.

Magnum P.I.

So I was messing around the other day while shaving my beard off, and I wanted to see what I would look like with a Magnum P.I. mustache:


but unfortunately, I think I missed the mark a little bit..........


























I just want to take this opportunity to say that I am not a terrorist, and I have not been captured... also, I'm not Magnum P.I.

Devolution

So I'm not quite sure what I want to say about this yet... hopefully something will come from just writing (I guess that's the point of this blog to begin with).

Let's see... so last night I was debating whether to go to bed around 8 (so I could drive down to Florence for a time trial early this morning) or to go play this free poker tournament at the bar (they play 5 nights a week, but I just discovered this). I should have just gone to bed, but instead of course I went to go play... started at 7. To support these free tournaments, players are encouraged to drink while playing... and I'm all for support... and drinking... so I had a few.

My rationalization for going was that maybe I would just have a couple drinks, and be done with the tournament early, then would be easy to go straight to bed earlier than normal. So, at this bar, there is an incredibly cute waitress... last time I was there she was an incredibly cute bartender. Anyway, at first I was not too terribly fixated on this fact... but as the night went on, my mind went further and further off on its own. It didn't help that at the final table there was another guy talking about her... this introduced some weird competition instinct in me or something... made things worse anyway.

So anyway, I ended up... doing nothing at all. I finished the tournament in 3rd place... which took a long time... but then stuck around for "1 more beer" partly in the hopes that I would oh... I don't know... strike up a conversation. Yeah that didn't happen... then the incredibly cute waitress left for the night... then I was deeper into the deep end of my head. After my "last one", I got the check, and every beer I had was a dollar more than I was told. After bringing this up, the bartender said he could just give me an extra one since I didn't know... so, 1 more "1 more". So, as I spiraled further into my thoughts (I can't really speak to people anymore it seems... ) I decided to visit the exotic dancing establishment attached to this very bar... brilliant!

Of course I didn't have any cash... which is sorta important... so I walked about 5 blocks to the bank and 5 blocks back. All the while knowing that I should not go there... that it is never hmm... helpful really... but at the same time there was just a base desire to do this... and my logical reasoning did not try very hard to override this.

So, I went. I paid for what I wanted, and I got what I paid for. The women were very attractive, and good at what they do... but it is very difficult for me to enjoy it (I almost said "hard" for me to enjoy it.... phew, dodged that one). I do love the feeling of a woman pressing up against me, breathing in my ear.... ooh that is my favorite... but in this setting it is all false, fake, wrong, guilty, shameful, embarrassing, bad. I can only enjoy maybe a couple seconds at a time and let the other stuff go before it all comes back.

I don't quite understand why I go to strip clubs ever... but very infrequently I do... and I never feel good about it later. In fact, I always feel worse in all respects after going. Especially now that I have experienced a long-ish and for a while loving relationship... I have a need for at least a little touch.... something... anything... that sometimes I need to get how I can. My social awkwardness / shyness / low self esteem or body image... take your pick... has so far kept me from meeting anyone since my divorce really. Part of me says that's all bullshit and I should just quit being a baby... but that makes the other part of me cry (haha).

Ice Skating vs. Ice Dragging

So I took my son out to the ice rink for the first time on Saturday, trying to get him exposed to something new. He was very good at standing up on his skates while we were off the ice (no noodle-ankles), but as soon as we got on he didn't try to stand up at all.

I'm not a very strong skater myself, but I figured at least I could cart him around a bit. The big problem was that he was adamant that I needed to hold him under his armpits (rather than holding his hands above his head). After any 2 minutes of trying to skate like that, my back would be wrecked. We had to keep sitting on the hockey benches for me to stretch/rest.

I got him to skate a little bit the other way (holding his hands)... but he wouldn't stand up that way well at all... turned into a marionette or something. He did manage to try some stepping a little bit though, which I think was good. Part of the problem is that I don't know how I learned how to skate, but I'm not very good, and have no idea how to teach someone else. I think it may be better for me to get him some real skating lessons from people who know what they are doing :).

Overall it was pretty fun... and afterwards (after complaining a few times and having fun a few times during), Fox said that he had fun too... which was the goal to begin with. Maybe I'll take him again next weekend sometime... see if he gets any more bold about the ice.

First Time Splitboarding

Last weekend I finally managed to get out on my splitboard. The weather here has warmed up a lot since the beginning of January, and we had a bit of a dry spell snow wise. But last weekend I was determined to at least get out and try skinning, and if I could... find something to ride down.

I went out to the Lockett Meadow road, and there was still enough snow to at least go up a bit. I put together my pack and threw my skins on, and started up following this snowmobile track. Used that to get up past the locked gate, and then just went up the road itself. It took me about 5 minutes for my foot to start killing. I don't know whether it is just that the boots are new, or the new bindings, or the boots are just plain too small (maybe too narrow). Anyway... I stopped, sat on a rock and pulled them off, tried to loosen some of the laces a bit on the inside and out. After putting them back on it seemed a little bit better.

Back onto my skis and onward up the road. When I got to the first sharp right turn, I noticed a little bit of a problem... there was no longer snow on the road up there. This caused a dilemma... I was trying to get to Lockett Meadow which was W-SW of me, and the dirt road goes around this hill North then West then South... so the shortest path as the crow flies would be straight over the mountain. And right where I was, there was a gully that had good snow right in that direction. So I decided to try to make my way up this.


Was pretty easy going at first, but then I had to work my way around a fallen tree... my first kick-turn (I think). As I got higher up the gully, it got steeper, so I had to start doing switchbacks instead of just going straight up. Then I got a little too aggressive with even the switchbacks, and managed to fall backwards a couple times, losing traction with my skins. After managing to extract myself from the snow a few times, and a lot of work... I got to a point where it seemed like I couldn't keep skinning... just got frustrated and decided to post hole up a bit. Got up to where it started to level off, and put my skis back on.

Now I was on top of this knoll kinda thing to the south of the mountain I was trying to get over, and to the north of this bigger mountain I wanted to skirt. But looking that direction, everything was melted and thickly forested. I went down and around a little to the northeast, but same deal there... didn't look promising for getting down that way... and I was probably too tired to continue all the way to the meadow anyway.

So, I said to hell with it, and un-split my board. I still haven't rigged a nice way to hold my poles (I got 2 piece telescopers when I probably should've gotten the 3 piece ones). So I just rode down holding them in both hands like a paddle. It was actually pretty fun going down the little gully, even though it wasn't terribly long vertically. Made a few jumping turns and busted through some branches, then back over that fallen tree, and I was back to the bottom of the gully and out onto the road. I managed to carry speed pretty well and rode just about all the way down to the gate. I was already pretty beat, so I just packed up and headed home. I think I was out about 1:40 total... which is not very long.

When I got home I fired up Google Earth to see how far I had gone... and it was a whopping .5 miles...haha. Took about 1:20-1:30 skinning up those .5 miles, and maybe 10 minutes riding back down :). Overall it was pretty fun, and I'm looking forward to going again, but I'm not sure when I'll have time really.